Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
