i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
