Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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