awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
