I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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