brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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