i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
