youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
