Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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