i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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