so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
