2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
