She is in my trunk
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
