Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
