It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
