Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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