Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Randomize
