Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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