I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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