My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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