just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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