His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
