she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
