Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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