im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
