So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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