If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
