i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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