good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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