if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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