Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
