explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
