my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
