i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
