My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
