Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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