I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So many bounce houses so little time
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
