if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
