Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
