I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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