Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
