Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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