Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
