Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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