is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
