I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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