What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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