I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
