Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
