Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
