well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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