He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
