You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
