grandma shit on top of the toilet
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
