they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
