it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
