You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
