just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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