I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
