I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
